You Don’t Need a Reason to Give a Gift

I happened to catch an old episode of Frasier on TV the other night. It was called “Ask Me No Questions”.

Daphne (live-in physiotherapist) had knitted Martin (Frasier’s dad) a sweater. She’d done this simply because she wanted to do something nice for him. Upon receipt of the pullover, Martin was visibly upset. The gist of the conversation went something like this:

Martin: You got me a gift? What’s the occasion?
Daphne: There’s no occasion. It’s just a gift.
Martin: You just can’t give somebody something for nothing.
Daphne: Yes, you can.
Martin: I wish I had something to give you.
Daphne: You don’t need to give me anything.
Martin: At least, let me pay you for it.
Daphne: No.
Martin: Well, I owe you then.
Daphne: It’s just a gift. Let it go!

And Daphne storms off the set.

This scene illustrates how hard it is for some people to accept spontaneous presents. It’s as if they believe these come with a debt that must be repaid and that it should be of equal value. It’s like maintaining the balance of an equal arm scale. And the sooner parity was restored, the better.

Sometimes I give little gifts with no expected return, other than perhaps a “thank you.” My motivation is to simply do something nice for someone and the true reward is feeling good about having done so. It’s a small gesture to show a friend or someone that I appreciate them or that I was thinking of them. Studies “…. found that doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise tested (1)”.

The gifts I’m writing about are material in nature. It’s little things like the sweater Daphne knitted, or perhaps a small box of special chocolates that are a friend’s favorites. I give these sparingly so as not to make any of the recipients feel ill at ease. Gift giving is as much about what you give and to whom as it is when and how you do it.

I wrote this in response to WordPress’ Daily Prompt to write about something for 10 minutes.

(1) From the book “Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being”, by University of Pennsylvania professor Martin Seligman