Lately, I’ve been hearing and reading about little girls who want to be ‘fierce’, or mothers who want to raise their daughters ‘fierce’.
“What does that mean?” I asked one child innocently.
“I can do anything!” she said with a huge confident grin and pumped her arm in the air while she kick-boxed with her foot.
“Yes you can,” I said with a huge smile.
“I can do anything,” is so empowering. It isn’t the first time it’s making the lips of youngsters. Forty-one years ago UN proclaimed 1975 as the International Women’s year. The chosen theme song was Helen Reddy’s ‘I am Woman’.
“I am woman, hear me roar” took to the airwaves, raising the consciousness of everyone who heard it.
“Oh yes, I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong
I am invincible
I am woman”
That little girl today is a product of generations of women that followed Helen’s empowering call.
I decided to approach some local mothers and grandmothers to understand what they thought about a little girl proclaiming “I am fierce. I can do anything!” This was not a formal study by any means; it did, however, lead to some stimulating conversations!
Everyone agreed that the statements were empowering. They liked the intent, but politely hesitated before commenting on the choice of words selected.
The big stickler for most of the women I spoke with was the use of the word ‘fierce’. They felt it was negative, combative and warlike. They felt it unintentionally gave permission to girls, and boys to be aggressive in their behaviour and, in certain circumstances, violent and hostile towards others in order to push through life’s challenges or obstacles and to go after what they wanted.
The women that liked the word ‘fierce’ weren’t thinking of aggression and violence when they saw little girls using the word. To them, fierce meant spirited, energetic, fearless and take-charge; someone who was tough, head-strong and would be able to fight their way through all that life had to throw at them.
“I want that for my daughter too, but in a different way,” said one mother when I explained to her the ‘intent’ behind the word ‘fierce’. “I want my daughter to be strong, confident and independent; I want her to be able to take on life’s challenges with courage, resourcefulness and resiliency.”
Only one young mother raised a question about the statement “I can do anything.” She wondered if these words were setting up a child to experience unrealistic expectations and entitlement. Life wasn’t an entitlement – it was a privilege. It was about working hard and being able to skillfully handle rejection and opposition without becoming overly devastated or acting out in anger and violence.
I bet if I’d been able to invite all these lovely ladies to my home at the same time, we would have had such a fun afternoon together! For all their different ways of expressing it, for all their different natures, they all seemed to want similar things for their daughters. In addition to what’s been stated so far, they wanted their daughters to be (their words, not mine):
- Vibrant,
- Healthy
- Loving
- Caring and compassionate
- Respectful and considerate toward others, regardless of who they were
- Patient
- Forgiving
- Self-disciplined
- Tenacious
- Balanced
- Daughters who will not shy from speaking-up for themselves and others; speaking their minds assertively, not aggressively.
- Accepting of other people as they are; non-judgmental.
- Daughters who are not ashamed of who they are, but rather loving their own unique selves; loving themselves wholly for who they are and what they looked like.
- They want their daughters to understand that who they are is valued. It’s not because of what they make, where they live, what they have or do not have.
Above all, they wanted their daughters to be happy.
I’m grateful for the mothers and grandmothers who took time from their busy schedules to delve deeper into the subject when I asked my question (s). I enjoyed each of our conversations and found myself enlightened by their insights. Thank you all.
Eloquently Kate 
Wonderful article, Kate. I’m sorry that I’ve not seen you in my reader. I’ve come looking 🙂 .
I remember watching a video for a song called ‘Next Time He Cheats’ where a woman was destroying her boyfriend’s car. She sang that he would think twice next time he cheats. It seemed bazaar to me because men often abuse women with the idea they have done something to deserve it.
The song was condoning violence to men who ‘deserved it’ in the mind of a woman. I don’t think ‘ I am woman. Hear me roar’ was ever intended to promote violence or vigilantism. You really have me thinking. Where is the line in the mind of a child between saying I’m not afraid of anything, and fear me because I’m fierce?
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I’m glad you came ‘looking’! 🙂 You have raised a most interesting question – how is the child’s mind interpreting the choice of words we use? Words matter – and their usage evolves write alongside ourselves. I have to tell you. I was delighted to be able to flip through a mid 1700’s English cook book yesterday in an antique store. The expressions and how things were cooked were so different and certainly fun to decipher. Adding to the complication was ‘old English’ where ‘Press’ was written as ‘Preff” (double ‘s’ was written as double ‘ff’ – single ‘s’ was single and so was a single ‘f’). I wonder how they taught their children the difference between fear me, I am courageous versus fear me because I’m fierce.
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Good stuff. My son’s name (which seems to have become unisex), means “fierce” in Gaelic, and I wrote a bit about that once, though fierceness is not really the point of the story: http://paulareednancarrow.com/2014/07/05/virus/.
As it happens, he’s one of the gentlest souls I know.
I want both my daughter and my son to be strong, confident and happy. In the end these are the qualities that lay the ground for resilience, openness to new ideas and good problem-solving skills, not aggressiveness or thriving on competition. IMHO.
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Thank you for adding your comments to this discussion. Goodness, I read your post and it had me on the edge of my seat all the way through it! Your name if fitting for your son, as it took that ‘fierceness’ to give him the resiliency he needed survive. Oh, he may the gentlest of souls, but underneath, there is a lot of inner strength. I believe there are two types of strength: the visible brute force like the waters of Niagara Falls and the quiet hidden ones like the roots of a willow tree that are strong and deep allowing the branches to flow gently in the breeze. There is much truth in your “IMHO” – and I believe the choice of words we use matters.
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Such food for thought! I rather like fierce, myself, but I do fall into the camp of seeing it as meaning fiery and energetic and determined. I also have boys, not girls, and it’s possible that influences my choice. But I wouldn’t feel odd applying “fierce” to them, either, with the same intent.
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Thank you Dakota for dropping in and adding to the discussion. My experience with the fiery, energetic and determined ‘fierce’ people I know is that they are also loyal, thoughtful and caring. In the end, we and our children will still be who we are and no one else.
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Excellent post. You and I are on the same page!
https://lipstickandplaydates.wordpress.com/
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Thanks for dropping by and chatting Jordan. One of the things you wish you’d been told earlier in your life was to make learning a lifelong pursuit. Excellent advice – and one that I can see you are pursuing yourself. 🙂
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This whole paragraph: “Life wasn’t an entitlement – it was a privilege.” Yes. 💖 Sounds like a fun experience.
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Thanks Sarah! Life is such a unique experience – there’s nothing else quite like it. ⛅🌸
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I admit I found the word fierce worrying. When I talk to my grandson, lions and tigers are fierce, and what do they do? They roar at people. I rather like some of the other choices which replace this word without losing the intended meaning.
xxx Massive Hugs xxx
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Apparently ‘fierce’ is an ‘in’ word right now. I listened to an interview Dame Helen Mirren had with the Late Night Show host Stephen Colbert and she even used the word a few times in the context of something that was exciting and exhilarating. It has not been my association with the word and most of the mothers did not like it either. It does give us food for thought though, doesn’t it.. Thanks David.
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